“Finding your voice-The Pitfalls of people pleasing” By Mandy Siegel 15/11/21.                                                 

I feel like I’ve spent my whole life trying to find my voice. Both on and off the stage, in life, in my creative vocation and in my family and relationships.

It always felt so hard to be me, to even find out what I wanted or liked or my own opinions and to share them with others. This is both in person, on stage and online.
It’s like I didn’t feel safe in myself to trust my own voice.

What I noticed mostly was how tortured I felt inside all the time, trying to give others what I thought they wanted in order to be liked and loved. I kept myself secreted far away and I didn’t even know it.
The biggest issue with not having a voice of my own was that often I’d feel insecure and lacking in confidence because I wasn’t really sharing who I am, what I feel or want or think. It was very unconscious until I became aware of it.
It’s bloody exhausting, emotionally draining and left me feeling anxious all the time.
Plus, knowing that we all live transparently, my emotions were seeping out all over the place anyway, whether I could articulate them or not. That meant, I might feel like I’m being nice and kind on the surface but underneath I’m frustrated or sad and my actions are passive aggressive and unpleasant to be around. What a weird conundrum – I want you to like and love me but I’m exuding yukky unconscious emotions and behaviours. Mmmmm lots of loneliness to be had for sure.

Since my late teens I’ve been on a journey to uncover my truth, create music and training programs to speak up, share your innermost being and stop hiding. In fact, its felt like I’ve been coming out my whole life, but that’s a whole other blog to come.

I have realised at different times, the varying degrees of just how much I have lived my life this way, for the approval of others and it sucks and hurts when you realise it.
Mostly it’s been a gift to be able to return to my true self and build the relationship from within to find my voice. I believe that it’s an ongoing journey through life. That we are all constantly learning to find and express our truth to deepen our relationships and move forward in life with love.

The benefits of finding your voice are exponential -You feel free, can support others more easily and joyfully, you grow your true confidence, you can express your creativity with joy, you can build your career with ease and develop deeper more loving relationships. Winning!

Some ways that I’ve explored and continue to practice helping me find my voice are using some practical tools like journaling to let out all my private emotions and thoughts on the page freely and regularly.

There are many ways to explore this practice for yourself too. You could set a timer for 5 or 10 minutes if that helps you to get started coz, we can all do 5 or 10 minutes easily, can’t we? And then dump all your thoughts on to the page, continuously writing whatever comes out. This could be first thing in the morning or at the end of your day before bed. It’s not about being a clever writer, but about finding your voice, your truth in those moments and releasing the tension from within that we all experience at times. Sometimes you might find yourself writing for longer, go for it. No one will ever read it and you can even throw it away or burn it but let it all out on the page then you never have to carry it and it can help you work out what’s going on. My motto is “Better out than in”. You can never get this wrong!

As always please reach out if you have any questions, thoughts or challenges you need support with, I am here.
With absolute love
Mandy xxx

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